Lifted From The Depths
by Red-Elephant
Summary: Usagi is unable to push aside her grief, despite Mamoru's resurrection.


**LIFTED FROM THE DEPTHS**

Rated R

Author: Red_Elephant

_DISCLAIMER: __Sailor Moon belongs respectively to Naoko Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation and DIC Entertainment. Not written for monetary purposes, this is simply written in the hopes of entertaining anyone out there who decides to read it . _

_**AN:**__ Hello! Once again, this story is rated R for a reason as it features sexual content. Not for the kiddies. _

_I have set this story loosely within the timeline, after Galaxia has been defeated but way, way before marriage and pink haired kids. I began to think about how many times Mamoru has been torn from Usagi throughout the entire series, be it physical death or the numerous mental afflictions set upon him by all the evil women wanting him for themselves. This is an exploration of grief in the face of resurrection. It's darker than some of my other pieces but there is always light when Usagi and Mamoru come together. Hope you enjoy it and please review._

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Usagi watched his chest rise and suspend. She held her own breath, waiting for the soft huff of release to pass through his lips before letting her own out in a much more audible gust of air. Immediately, her eyes switched back to his chest, watching it rise and fall in a faultless rhythm. It was a cruel irony that the anxiety tightening her own chest was causing her own breathing difficulties but Usagi had only a vague awareness of this. All her attention was focused on the sleeping man at her side. If she turned away he could stop breathing and die again. It would be the end of the world.

She couldn't do it again.

Time crept by at an unknown pace, measured only by Mamoru's breaths as he slept. Usagi's chest grew tighter and tighter, shoulders hunching painfully towards her ears. The sharp dryness of her eyes hurt quite a bit, the metallic taste in her mouth, like aluminium, burning the soft skin on the inner rim of her lips. She was conscious of these things but numb to the increasing pain her body was screaming at her. There was a fuzziness clouding the edges of the physical pain that forced her to acknowledge the dark mental pain circling within her head with each breath he took. They were toxic thoughts, writhing like a pit of deadly snakes.

The darkness had come to her gradually, nightmares her subconscious had procured after months apart with no contact, left struggling with all the unanswered questions and imagined conclusions only to discover he'd been dead the whole time. Again. Usagi was left, then, to flounder with the tsunami of guilt that swamped her because she hadn't known...only she had. It was easier to think he'd forgotten her or moved on than to accept the deathlike chill that had taken up residence at the base of her spine and would not leave. What kind of person did that make her?

He'd simply been taken from her too many times. She'd been forced to watch the light drain from his body as his glorious soul departed, leaving her reeling with the force of the shock waves vibrating through their soul bond. It was an agony Usagi couldn't begin to describe, no words in any language adequate enough to explain the feeling of being anchored firmly in life while sharing an intimate relationship with death. Mamoru never remembered but she did. She knew what it felt like when he died, just as she knew what it felt like to be sucked under by the grief. And she couldn't shake either of these elements that were now an intrinsic part of her being, caught in an unnatural phenomenon where she was swung wildly between elated thankfulness for his life and drowning grief for his death.

Usagi eyed Mamoru's chest for a moment longer before slipping from his bed, walking on silent feet to the bathroom. She left the light off, instead lighting the yellow melted candle in the red glass bowl by his toothbrush on the counter. There wasn't enough light to illuminate the monsters she suddenly imagined lurking in the corners of the room, the flickering light from the candle throwing abstract shadows across the walls. It didn't occur to her to turn the light on.

Stripping her pyjamas off, Usagi stepped into the shower stall. She didn't bother to wait until the hot water kicked in, stepping straight under the stream. The cold water was like ice and bit into her skin like needles but the discomfort was gone after a moment as the water warmed. She was then too hot from the stark contrast in temperatures but, again, it was quick to pass.

She stood, unmoving for long seconds, just letting the water move over her head and through her miles of hair until she began to feel heavy, pulled down by the waves of grief swamping all senses. Her entire body was filled with heavy lethargy. Unable to hold herself up any longer, Usagi allowed herself to sink to the tiled floor, hissing away from the initial chill of the tiles on her spine before settling backwards once more. She shuffled into one corner but positioned herself so that the water still ran over the majority of her body.

The water beating down on her was relentless. Her hair was forced into her eyes, clinging like a second skin to her neck, her breasts, her stomach as it swirled to the drain half covered by her left thigh. She didn't notice or really care, instead folding her legs and leaned forward, hands wresting on her knees. Usagi's lips opened periodically to gasp for air, lungs filling with steamy oxygen. She was so tense, though the water helped to loosen the muscles a little. She let an anguished moan escape, confident that Mamoru would not hear from where he slept. He never heard her through the closed door.

She reached one arm up, fingers gliding across the tiles in a blind search for the soap dish. She frowned when she found it but there was no bar of soap within the dish. She forced herself to her knees, wiping water from her eyes as she confirmed what her fingers had already told her.

Frustration boiled over as she slammed her palm onto her thigh and knocked her head against the wall. Eyes squeezed closed, her mouth stretched in a silent scream that she didn't dare bring a voice to. She convinced herself that it was because of the soap and Mamoru's complete lack of thought. Hadn't they addressed this exact issue several nights ago? Shouldn't he be thinking about her needs? Shouldn't he want to make her happy? Teeth barred, her jaw ached as she knocked her head against the tiles once more. Then, just as abruptly as it began, it released her. The tension fled her body and she was left to slump against the tiles, her bones jelly and unable to hold her together. God she was a freak.

"I'm so messed up." Usagi mumbled.

Her fingers slid through the bangs plastered across her left cheek, following the curve of her scull until she found the half formed bump on her head. Oddly, it was this minor physical pain that broke the barrier of her emotions and she found herself sobbing. There was no hysteria, just release. It was a peculiar feeling because her tears disappeared as soon as they formed in her eyes, washed away in the down pour above her head. Time stopped, thoughts stilled but the tears still came.

She didn't hear the glass door to the shower stall open. Senses stifled as they were, she could still smell him. She breathed him in and his woody scent began to chase away the shadows that hounded her. Strong fingers curled around her bicep as the other cupped her cheek, tugging her up onto wonky feet. A shuddered breath passed through her lips at his touch before she forced herself to open tear filled eyes.

Mamoru's face was barely distinguishable in the poor light, the vivid blue of his eyes hidden in the shadows that caressed the sharp planes of his face. Her hands slid down his sides until her fingers connected with the band of his cotton boxers, slung low over the sculpted bones of his hips. Familiar heat flashed between her legs. _Oh god_...

"Are you ok?" His voice was just above a whisper but it sounded loud to her sensitive ears. His fingers ran across her own, feeling the prunes beginning on her fingertips. "How long have you been in here?"

"...Mamo-chan." Usagi tried to force her jumbled thoughts into some semblance of order. She gave up. "I love you so much."

He didn't respond. She could picture him squinting at her in the bad light, trying to discern the secrets he could normally read straight from her face. His fingers floated across her skin, leaving trails of hot fire in their wake, only to be soothed away by the water over head. He brushed back the hair on her forehead, fingers splayed across her scalp to keep the hair from falling once more onto her face. One thumb traced the arch of her eyebrow.

"You scared me," He murmured. "I thought you'd left."

Usagi swayed forward until the wet skin of her breasts grazed his chest, could feel his abdomen quiver as he sucked in a sharp breath. Her lips grazed his chin in their search for his. Her fingers slipped at the skin on his shoulders as she tugged at them with acute impatience, feeling the dip of his body as he bent forward. Their noses bumped with her awkward manoeuvre but she didn't care because finally, finally, her mouth found his.

Mamoru's lips were dry and soft but quickly became slippery as they glided with feather lightness over her own. His kiss was tender, little pecks that left her impatient and unsatisfied. Usagi could almost hear his mind ticking away, trying to figure out what was wrong and if he could fix it. A noise escaped the back of her throat as she pushed herself up onto her tippy toes, arms wrapping tight around his neck.

"Kiss me." She demanded, grinding her nude, moist body against his.

"Usa..." A groan slid through his clenched teeth. "I don't think-"

"I need you to kiss me," She repeated, voice fierce but broken on the edges. "Mamo-chan..."

He'd never been able to deny her anything. Mamoru bent down and caught Usagi's lips, hand creeping into her hair to fist at the nape of her neck, holding her tight as he angled their mouths together. Her tongue delved into his warm mouth, hot and demanding. He responded with equal fervour, allowing himself to be drawn into the shower stall, pinning her back against the tiles. Rough fingertips kneaded the soft flesh of her breast, causing Usagi to arch within the confines of his muscular body as he twirled her nipple until it was pointy and aching. Large hands cupped her bottom, wrenching her up so that her toes just barely skimmed the ground. His mouth found her other breast, teeth nipping at the nipple in an exquisite torture of intense pleasure and pain.

Moans and gasps escaped her, no room to wonder at what the neighbours might be thinking as the wall they leaned against joined with that of the apartment next door. Usagi pulled him back to her lips, placing both hands to his face as she kissed him with desperate abandon. She needed this, needed to feel him in the most basic sense, needed to feel his heart beat under her hands, taste him. It was the only thing that would chase away the pervading nightmares and anxiety.

"Mamo-chan," She panted against his neck. "Please."

Understanding what she couldn't put into words, Mamoru released her just enough to drop his saturated boxers, kicking them into the corner. Her fingers splayed across his chest as he gripped her rear once more, lifting her until they were eye to eye. Bracing her against the wall, he groaned as she reached between them to guide his shaft inside her. Usagi wrapped her legs around his waist, whimpering at the exquisite torture as he held still for a drawn out moment, teasing her.

Mamoru made love to her slowly. It wasn't ferocious, hot, pounding sex like she'd wanted but as she tumbled into her second orgasm she realised this was exactly what she needed. He'd eclipsed every one of her senses, light filling her so that there was no room left for the darkness that threatened her. Tears gathered as he reached his own release and she let her forehead fall into the crook of his neck, feeling the rapid thumping of his heart beat. Mamoru didn't move, his shoulders seeming to encircle her as he held her while she cried.

Unable to stop herself, she pulled back enough to look him straight in the eye, allowing their foreheads to touch. "Don't die again."

Usagi felt his muscles tense at her words, could feel the huff of his breath. "I'm not going anywhere."

"But you might," She murmured, fingers curling through his hair. "You can't promise me."

"No," He shook his head. "I can only promise you this moment, right now," He let her slide down his torso until her feet met the ground. "But I'm not going anywhere."

Usagi considered the wisdom of his words as he released her, turning off the now lukewarm water and wrapping her in a coffee coloured towel. Weaving his fingers through her own, he led her into the bedroom where she allowed him to rub her down, blushing as his fingers strayed. Climbing into bed, Mamoru pulled her back against his chest; his legs forced her own to curl around his knees, fingers drawing teasing circles across the soft skin of her stomach.

He placed his mouth against the shell of her ear. "Have sweet dreams."

A small smile tugged at her lips, relaxed in the afterglow of making love and suddenly able to feel the exhaustion that was dragging her towards sleep. Wrapped up in his arms, his heart beating against her back, and his breath in her hair, Mamoru had never been more alive. Satisfied with this moment that he had promised, she burrowed further into his embrace.

"Sweet dreams Mamo-chan."

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**AN: I'd love to know what you think of this one. Please Review!


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